Integrity Counseling Services

Pennsylvania's Premier Center for Catholic Counseling and Spiritual Direction

Category: Addiction

Alcohol Addiction

Drug and Alcohol Addictions: Causes and Enabling vs. Helping

By Gian Milles, MS, LPC, Integrity Counseling Services

Causes of Drug and Alcohol Addictions

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, people begin taking drugs for one or any combination of four reasons:
1) to feel good
2) to feel better if they are feeling bad
3) to improve performance or psychological functioning
4) curiosity and peer pressure.
I believe this is exactly right. This means that when people have an addiction to drugs and/or alcohol, this addiction serves a function.

All of us want to feel good. I do not know anyone who enjoys feeling bad, purely for the experience of feeling bad. Some people may enjoy the pain of a good workout (I do), but it is really the challenging of the mind and the growing of the body that people are after. The pain for its own sake would not be worth it. Even people who engage in self-harm or suicide are typically attempting to alleviate some sort of intense suffering.

At the same time, every single one of us chooses to do things that make us feel bad. We each have bad habits that we are struggling to kick. In this way, we all suffer from addictions. Addiction, as a human phenomenon, is more a matter of degree and type than it is about certain people being built a certain way.

While it is true that we all have addictions, some are certainly more severe than others. My inability to put the stinkin’ remote down and stop watching the second season of Narcos on Netflix (yes, I binge-watched it this past week) is not severe enough to prevent me from going to work. We are all in this together, but some people more than others have addictions that interfere with daily functioning. See the work of experts Dr. Gabor Mate and Dr. Anna Lembke to provide a more comprehensive case for this position.

Enabling vs. Helping

Friends and family can play an instrumental role in enabling an addiction, or conversely, in helping a person to overcome their addiction.

Many people fear losing their loved one, so they do not establish proper boundaries regarding the addicted person. They may even give them money that is being used for the drugs. This enabling is doing far more harm than good. Any addicted person will tell you how brilliant they can be at exploiting their loved ones to finance their addiction. Brief tips on how to avoid enabling include not giving someone money, not allowing someone to spend time with you while they are actively using drugs, and not allowing someone to live with you while they are using. These can be very difficult things to do when we see a person suffering with the disease of addiction, but oftentimes they are what is ultimately most helpful.

On the other hand, people who have the support of friends and family are more likely to overcome their addiction. Part of the reason the 12-step programs like AA and NA have helped so many people is because there is such an emphasis on building relationships. In these relationships, addicted people can feel unconditional love and acceptance. Some ways you can be helpful to an addicted person are by buying them groceries, giving them transportation to work or to a doctor’s appointment, and letting them know that you love them unconditionally and are there for them if they ever need to talk. Tough love in the form of strict boundaries is often the best way to help. Encouraging them to get help and staging an intervention with other loved ones can also be effective.

If you or someone you know is suffering from an addiction to alcohol or drugs, please do not hesitate to reach out for help.

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Death by Distraction

By Deborah Rojas, MA, Integrity Counseling Services — Could you handle a few technology-free days? No phone, no laptop, no music — power down the technological devices, and not because the word “vice” is in “device.” Stillness and true quiet are necessary for contemplation, the time and space for getting to know God and ourselves in relationship to Him. Contemplation is impossible when we are distracting ourselves to death.

I recently went on my first silent retreat at a convent. The hospitality of the sisters set the stage for a few days of prayer and rest, and the natural order and rhythm of the contemplative life provided a technology-free, sacred space to pray. Other than Mass and the Daily Office, I was left to myself with nothing that I had to do.

On an ordinary day, the tasks of the moment rule. It was in this space of having no tasks and freedom from technological distraction that I was able to be with God and get to know myself better. Different parts were able to emerge because I slowed down. Some of the parts that came forward are parts that I don’t like or would rather avoid but need love and the healing mercy of God.

In therapy, we often have to learn how to see ourselves before we can begin to do interior work. When parts of ourselves make us uncomfortable, the natural instinct is avoidance. This is easy with distractions like social media or video games. However, some distractions are internal: daydreaming, fantasies, worrisome obsessions, or over-spiritualization, for example, and more challenging to navigate.

When Jesus encountered suffering, he walked, not away, but towards it! He had compassion. He saw, and he had compassion. Then the healing began. I am grateful to work with the Great Physician and walk towards others who are suffering. It is much harder to embrace my own wounded parts. This might be one of the reasons why I love counseling so much!

I would rather distract, avoid and turn away from painful realities in my heart. This is not the pathway to life and love. Rather, it is death by distraction. Friends, make the meaningful effort to look up, look within and share the loving, compassionate gaze of Christ with each other. If it is too difficult to do on your own, seek the help of a qualified counselor to see you and walk with you.  May Jesus grant you healing in your relationships and a flourishing life this Easter season.

Do You Have These Six Symptoms of Pornography Addiction?

By Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D., LPC, SATP, CSAT, Integrity Counseling Services — Many people who struggle with pornography use wonder if they might be addicted to it. Here are six common warning signs for addiction:

  1. Viewing pornography frequently or binging: There are many ways that people who are addicted can use pornography. For some, there is a need to view it daily. They may even view it several times a day. Others are frequent users who may view it once or twice a week. Still others may go weeks or months without it and then spend several hours viewing it. These are known as binge users. Altogether there is continued use of pornography, and usually in a predictable frequency.
  2. Using pornography to ease or avoid painful feelings: Many people consider pornography use as little more than “harmless adult entertainment.” However, pornography is often used to ease or avoid deep emotional pain. Often people have carried this pain for so long they don’t realize it’s there anymore. However, deep down they have come to use pornography as a way to escape their pain. Because the effects are temporary, they need to go back to it over and over again to keep their pain at bay. This is where an addiction can develop.
  3. A tolerance develops: As with many addictive substances, after a while a tolerance develops. A little isn’t enough. A stronger form of the substance is needed to achieve the desired effect. Here is where “soft porn” may be no longer satisfying. The viewer will seek out more hardcore and deviant forms of pornography. This can include fetish, violent, homosexual and even child porn. The amount of time viewing pornography will also increase. Instead of just a few minutes the viewer may spend several hours viewing pornography. For some, a tolerance develops to the point where viewing it is no longer satisfying. They want to experience what they’ve viewed in pornography live. This can lead them to frequent strip clubs, prostitutes, anonymous sexual encounters and extramarital affairs.
  4. A dependence develops: Here is where the viewer becomes physically and emotionally dependent on viewing porn. Physically his brain has become so accustomed to operating at such a high level of neurochemical stimulation, triggered by the pornography use, that it must maintain those levels just to function. As stated above, the viewer has also become emotionally dependent on pornography to keep painful feelings at bay. This is what draws the viewer back to pornography over and over again. Without a regular “fix,” a person can experience withdrawal symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, headaches, etc.
  5. Willingness to view pornography despite negative consequences: For many addicts, the need for a regular “fix” leads them to take great risks to view pornography. This can include risking the loss of a job by viewing pornography on a work computer. For others it could be risking their marriages by viewing pornography at home. In addition, some will spend thousands of dollars and amass great debt because of their addiction to porn.
  6. The inability to stop viewing pornography despite one’s best efforts: Many people who are addicted will try to stop, but have little success. They may be able to go a few weeks or even month without viewing it; however, they eventually fall back into it. Their sobriety is little more than white-knuckling it. Often they feel their lives are out of control because of the pornography. It has control over them.

If you are struggling with any of these warning signs you may be addicted to pornography. However, don’t be discouraged. Freedom from pornography is possible. Effective recovery programs are available to help you experience victory over pornography.  A good recovery program includes a healthy relationship with God, professional counseling, and a strong community of men who will support you and keep you accountable. The next step is to seek the help you deserve!

The Three Tiers of Recovery

The Three Tiers of Recovery

By Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D., LPC, SATP, CSAT, Integrity Counseling Services —  As Director of Integrity Counseling Services, people frequently ask me what the recovery process entails. I often describe recovery as a three-tiered process: sobriety, inner-healing and transformation.

SOBRIETY:
Being sober means no longer using the substance to which you were addicted – pornography. Many people rate their success by the number of days, weeks, months or years of sobriety. Your sobriety date is the last day you acted out. Having a long period of sobriety can be a great encouragement to anyone in recovery.  The first goal of recovery is to establish a solid period of sobriety, usually about six weeks. Here a person works on developing the tools and skills to achieve and maintain healthy sobriety. This includes eliminating all pornography and access to it, participating in a 12-step support group, and recognizing the triggers and rituals that can lead a person into pornography use. This can be used to develop the strategies to avoid pornography.

INNER HEALING:
This pertains to identifying and resolving the root causes of an addiction. Ultimately the pornography use is the symptom. You will learn there are many painful emotional issues that can lead a person to self-medicate with pornography. Unless these issues are identified and resolved, sobriety tends to be “white-knuckle.”  This almost always leads to failure. Through counseling, a person can identify and resolve the root causes of the addiction. This will make maintaining healthy sobriety is much easier. This is true recovery.

TRANSFORMATION:
This is the ultimate goal of your program. While God wants to help you with your sobriety and recovery, his ultimate goal is to transform you into a new creation. He wants to heal you and help you become the person you were created to be. This is what makes recovery and life exciting for most addicted people. They are able to see God actively working in their lives and are more easily able to discern His will. They are able to claim their true identity as children of God. Marriages are healed and relationships are restored. Many men are grateful that their worlds came crashing down because of their addiction. They realized their lives and relationships were never healthy to begin with. Now they have the opportunity create healthier lives and relationships. Even their wives are happier because of the transformation they’ve seen in their husbands, their marriages and even in themselves. They are finally living happy, healthy lives!

Integrity Counseling Services PA recovery from addiction

Where is God in Recovery?

By Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D., SATP, CSAT, Integrity Counseling Services — People often wonder where God is when they struggle with an addiction. At Integrity Counseling Services, many of the men I work with who struggle with pornography addiction have prayed fervently for God to take it away. However, they feel their prayers have fallen on deaf ears because they continue to struggle. Some believe that God doesn’t even care about them.  They believe that because of their sins they are unlovable.

While it may be difficult for someone struggling with addiction to see God working in his life, the fact is that God is intimately involved. However, it takes some time and skill to recognize how God is at work in the healing process.

The first thing that a person in recovery needs to understand is the difference between a healing and a cure. The difference is time. A cure is immediate while a healing takes time.  In scripture, we read about many cures. Jesus cured the blind man, the crippled man and the lepers. This is what most addicts pray for — an instant cure. While God can do this, it’s been my experience that He prefers to work in healing people’s lives.

God wants to see His children freed from the chains of addiction; however, above all else, His greatest desire is to be in a deep, loving, intimate relationship with each of His children.  While most people would prefer a cure, it probably wouldn’t do much for their relationship with God. They would thank God and simply go about their lives forgetting all about Him.

With a healing, God says, “Let’s walk for a while and talk. Let’s get to know one another and build a relationship.” The end result of a cure and a healing is the same: health and restoration. However, with a healing there’s the added benefit of a deeper relationship with God. Here is how God uses our infirmities as an invitation to draw us closer to him. He wants us to know how much he loves us no matter what we’ve done.  He wants us to know that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” and that He delights in us!  Once you understand that God is more interested in healing you than curing you, it’s easier to be more patient with the recovery process. You can even begin to enjoy the journey of getting to know Him better.

It’s also important to be able to see how God is active in recovery. He reveals Himself through the people one meets, such as a confessor, spiritual director, support group members, sponsor, accountability partners and therapist. Many people I’ve counseled marvel at all the people God has brought into their lives to help them find freedom from pornography use. It requires great humility to develop such a team for recovery. One needs to let go of control, admit powerlessness and let God truly work in his life.

This is summed up in the first three of the 12-steps:

  1. We admitted that we were powerless over lust — that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Once a man can humbly submit his life to God, recovery becomes easier. He can fearlessly work through the 12 steps. He can reach out for help when needed and offer help to others in need. He will not only grow in humility, he will also grow in other virtues such as honesty, courage, faith, hope, love, trustworthiness, obedience, kindness, etc.

Another reason I believe God doesn’t simply come in and cure people is that recovery is more meaningful when a man takes ownership of it. This requires him to do the work of recovery. In addition to admitting his powerlessness and submitting to God, he needs to immerse himself in a comprehensive recovery program. He must acquire the skills to achieve and maintain sobriety. He needs to identify the root causes of his addiction and resolve them. He needs to mend relationships that have been hurt by his addiction. He needs to help others in recovery. It’s this work that can bring about true transformation in a man’s life. God wants men to experience this!

As one can see in the 12 steps, spirituality has always played an important role in recovery. Building an intimate relationship with God can truly help a person through the tough times and is necessary for authentic healing. However, this rarely occurs without some help. I recommend all my clients find a good spiritual director. This is usually a priest they meet with once a month. They can discuss their relationship with God, their image of God, ask questions about God, and receive guidance in developing a strong and healthy relationship with God through prayer, sacraments, and scripture.

Altogether, it’s not difficult to understand how God is present in one’s recovery and to see him actively working in it. It simply takes knowing where to look and how to look!  It’s seeking the healing, not the cure.

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